from the heart: a little prayer

let me start by saying, in case i haven’t before … my husband’s job is pretty demanding. he works long hours that keep us apart for most of the week. i work a 9-5 and he works 6 12’s that often turn into 14’s. on a normal week, we see each other for a few hours on saturday morning and on sundays. occasionally he’ll wake me up around 4 am when he gets home. it’s been this way for a while. practically the whole time we’ve been married. i try not to complain and we savor the occasional off day.

recently the ‘bosses’ put out a schedule, offering each location one saturday off a month, on rotation. this saturday was a scheduled off day. i made plans. i got excited.

last night, his boss decided to transfer him to a different location, meaning he’s missed his rotational saturday off until next month. when he called me to tell me, i totally lost it. i ranted and pouted and whined and even told him to call in. i DESERVED that time off with him. of course, my temper tantrum did neither of us any good and we got off the phone feeling pretty lousy.

when i calmed down, i began to think… who am i to complain?

we are very fortunate to have this job. we’ve been blessed beyond measure that when he found out he was diabetic it didn’t effect his job (it’s a very physical job). where we are now is VERY different from where we were this time 2 years ago.

then i thought of the military spouses who only see their husbands/wives every 3 months, 6 months, or longer. i thought of those who have lost a spouse, only to see them again in heaven. i can’t even begin to imagine that pain. i’m humbled by the strength of these men and women…

but still i was feeling a little lost.

i decided to pray about it. i thanked God for bringing him this job, even though it keeps us apart. i thanked God for bringing him to me, my perfect match. for making our relationship strong enough to endure the time apart. i prayed for those special military wives and for those who have lost their spouses.

then i began to pray for peace and grace. peace from the loneliness i feel when we’re apart and the anxiety i feel when he’s on the road. grace to help me remember that despite the discomfort, we are still blessed. grace to not lose my temper when things don’t go my way.

in the end, i began to feel better. and i have a renewed determination to make every second i spend with my husband as amazing as possible. also, a determination to not feel so sorry for myself. to keep myself busy doing the things that i know i won’t do when he’s home. and then i went to sleep with a lighter heart and the knowledge that there’s nothing a little prayer won’t remedy. 🙂

 

  • do you sometimes forgot how fortunate you are?
  • what do you do when you give in to selfish thoughts?
  • also, i’m in the market for a new project to keep me busy. any suggestions?

 

Advertisements

#photoadaymay week 3

here is week three of the #photoadaymay series. you can find my photos daily on twitter and instagram and i’ll be posting weekly recaps here on the blog.

for some reason, it’s getting a little harder to keep up these days. the weekends, mostly – which is strange because i take the most photos on the weekends. this week was a little better than last, but i must find more enthusiasm!

below are my photos for the third week of may. enjoy!

day 15: love; these three boys are the loves of my life. they bring me so much happiness, just looking at their precious faces. and the best part is, they love me too! 🙂

day 16: what you’re reading; i’m sure i won’t be the first to say that i think tina fey is amazing. this quote from her about body image is pretty spot on, right?

day 17: snack; actually, this banana ending up serving as lunch too. a total bad idea, i know, but it was a busy week.

day 18: something you made; a mid-session photo of the weekend’s studio labors. the odd looking one became a little gourd bird house. and only a few of those lids made the cut.

day 19: a favorite place; i’m sure you got my drift yesterday when i told you how much i LOVED being in the studio again. it’s a great place to relieve some stress. especially since i’ve been slacking on my running 🙂

day 20: something you can’t live without; i never realized that it would be possible to love someone with my whole heart. God certainly knew what he was doing when he blessed me with this man – he even puts up with my crazy! 🙂

day 21: where i stand; you know – i really wanted to do a different play on this – where i stand beliefs-wise instead of just looking down. but a whole day spent with the sweet man in the photo above changed my mind.

 

thanks for following my #photoaday posts here on my little blog! i love reading the sweet comments you leave and i hope that some of you will join me in the challenge!

hugs.

Sweet Shot Tuesday with Kent Weakley

#photoadaymay week two

here is week two of the #photoadaymay series. you can find my photos daily on twitter and instagram and i’ll be posting weekly recaps here on the blog. i’m still enjoying this challenge, although this week i will admit i slacked off for a few days and then had to play catch up. 🙂

below are my photos for the second week of may. enjoy!

day 8: a smell you adore; chocolate chip cookies, fresh from the oven. obviously, i adored the taste as well. yum!

day 9: something you do everyday; love this sweet sweet man. i’m so very blessed to have him to love and take care of me.

day 10: a favorite word; fun. this is one of the days i fell behind on – i actually have lots of words i like but fun seemed appropriate since that’s what i was having when i missed the day!

day 11: kitchen; another day i missed, not that i would show you my messy little rental kitchen anyhow 🙂 this is a set of pottery i would LOVE to have/make for my own one day.

day 12: something that makes you happy; what’s not happy about a giant inflateable duck?! well, actually … spending time with my wonderful parents. the only thing missing this day was casey.

day 13: mum/mom; this is my mom. she’s my biggest fan and one of my best friends. she would also kill me if she knew i was posting photos of her, but she’ll get over it 🙂

day 14: grass; also, i realized that i post 1 billion photos of tyson on instagram/facebook/twitter – so here’s one of my sweet little harley. he looks like he’s on a very important mission here, right?

thanks for following my #photoaday posts here on my little blog! i love reading the sweet comments you leave and i hope that some of you will join me in the challenge!

hugs.

Sweet Shot Tuesday with Kent Weakley

 

 

getting answers …

Image

there are very few photos from this weekend, so i’m replacing the normal monday post with something that’s been on my heart for several weeks and finally came to a screeching halt last night and this morning.

Casey has been showing signs of sickness for a few weeks now. being the stubborn man that is my husband, he’s been chalking it up to tired and overworked. and because i refused to accept the fact that something may be wrong with him, i went along.

i convinced him to go to the doctor this past wednesday. it was the normal poke, prod, give blood for tests, and be sent home. i was furious. am i the only one in the world that can clearly tell there is something wrong with my husband? the doctor’s office called on friday and told him his bloodwork was clear, come back on the 15th for follow-up.

by sunday night, we were in the emergency room. he started feeling badly after lunch and felt like taking a nap. we just so happened to be visiting my parents for my birthday and she decided we should check his blood sugar, to see if that might be why he was feeling bad.

it was over 600. so high that her reader wouldn’t pick up the actual number.

three bottles of water and a few pickles later (old wives tales are often fairly accurate), the reading was still (literally) off the charts. and we made our way to the emergency room.

on a very rare occassion, i’m sure, we were taken directly back to a cubicle where they confirmed that his sugar was indeed 671.

671?!?!

a normal blood sugar level should never exceed 140. 200-300 is considered high.

his was ALMOST 700.

four hours, two bags of iv fluid, and 10ccs of insulin later, his blood sugar dropped by over half and we were sent home with an almost diagnosis and a lot of questions. i was torn between fury and fear. how could have the wednesday doctor have not noticed something so obviously wrong?

he returned to the doctor this morning and this time, he wasn’t leaving without answers.

and now we have them.

type 1 diabetes.

essentially, his pancreas has quit producing the insulin his body needs to process sugar.

he’ll have to regulate his diet, take insulin shots, and generally change everything about his eating habits.

it’s going to be a long, hard road to get this under control. but once it is, he can lead a healthy, moderately normal life.

and, is it awful and callous of me to say that in a way i’m relieved? because i am.

i’m relieved that by the grace of God, there is no terrible underlying cause and no apparent damage caused by weeks or months of crazy high blood sugar levels. i’m relieved because this is something we can control. i’m relieved that after weeks of fear and questions, we have our answers. i’m relieved that with the help of the doctors, we can educate ourselves on diabetes and learn how to treat his situation.

i’m relieved because once again, God has answered my cry and let me keep my husband.

we will get through this.

FindingBeautyintheOrdinary.com

http://www.carissagraham.com/2012/04/miscellany-monday_23.html

#photoadayapril update

so far, i’ve been sticking with the #photoadayapril challenge pretty faithfully. you can find my photos daily on twitter and instagram. it’s pretty hard to get them onto the blog every single day though. one of my goals when i started this blog was not to let it become an obsession. so instead of struggling to get the photos up every day, i’ve decided to do a weekly recap here with a bit more detailed descriptions about the photos. enjoy!

day 19: orange; this handmade bowl from the bahamas was gifted to me by a co-worker for helping with a trip she was coordinating.

day 20: something you drew; just a little doodle of something i have to remind myself of often. let it go, relax, enjoy life.

day 21: bottle; a bottle of red wine with a Brownell Travel 125th anniversary label designed by yours truly.

day 22: the last thing you bought; "the tanker", a 44 oz diet coke to supply my caffeine needs for a 1.5 hour car ride and 3 hour birthday party loaded with screaming children. 🙂

day 23: fruit; C's fruit loops are having to fill the fruit requirement for the day, reminding me that i'm in desperate need of groceries.

day 24: something you're grateful for; waking up to this sweet face every morning (even if it's sometimes a grumpy face).

 Sweet Shot Day

live. every day

three years ago today, i lost one of the most important people in my life to that date. one of the only people that my naive nineteen year old self had ever loved more than her own self. the person that at that point, i would say taught me to live.

he taught me that there was more to life than my tiny little town.

he introduced me to music i’d never heard of, artists i’d never dreamed of.

he turned my whole small town world upside down.

and then he lost his beautiful life. far too young.

our short friendship taught me more about myself and where i wanted to be in life than i ever though one single person could.

with our friendship and his life, and death, he taught me to live. every day. never take any day for granted. don’t sweat the things that don’t matter. no matter how bad it gets, you go out there and keep going. it’s not a lesson that sank in quickly, or easily. it’s something that some days i have to repeat over and over to myself, like a record in the back of my head. just keep living, everyday.

and here i am now. i have a degree, a job i love, a husband who loves me more than i ever thought possible, and i’m closer to my family than ever before. i have my art, and i love my life. i would like to think that he would be proud of me, and who i’ve become.

rest in peace, my sweet friend.