currently…


watching … the rain, through the window.

listening to … amos lee radio on pandora. perfect rainy day music.

daydreaming … about working on our house this weekend.

thankful … for my wonderful parents, who have been working tirelessly to get a few more things done so that all casey and i have to do is paint and lay some flooring.

wishing … that i could be there with them instead of sitting here wishing my life away.

wondering … how it’s possible that my husband has two cell phones yet just had to call me from the onStar phone in his truck because he can’t keep up with either of them.

procrastinating … the packing that i know is inevitable.

wondering … if we are making the right decisions.

praying … for guidance, as we take this new path toward our future. and sanity, as we attempt to partially remodel (again), pack, and move while we both work full-time (that’s 40 and 60+ hours a week, if you were wondering).

from the heart: a little prayer

let me start by saying, in case i haven’t before … my husband’s job is pretty demanding. he works long hours that keep us apart for most of the week. i work a 9-5 and he works 6 12’s that often turn into 14’s. on a normal week, we see each other for a few hours on saturday morning and on sundays. occasionally he’ll wake me up around 4 am when he gets home. it’s been this way for a while. practically the whole time we’ve been married. i try not to complain and we savor the occasional off day.

recently the ‘bosses’ put out a schedule, offering each location one saturday off a month, on rotation. this saturday was a scheduled off day. i made plans. i got excited.

last night, his boss decided to transfer him to a different location, meaning he’s missed his rotational saturday off until next month. when he called me to tell me, i totally lost it. i ranted and pouted and whined and even told him to call in. i DESERVED that time off with him. of course, my temper tantrum did neither of us any good and we got off the phone feeling pretty lousy.

when i calmed down, i began to think… who am i to complain?

we are very fortunate to have this job. we’ve been blessed beyond measure that when he found out he was diabetic it didn’t effect his job (it’s a very physical job). where we are now is VERY different from where we were this time 2 years ago.

then i thought of the military spouses who only see their husbands/wives every 3 months, 6 months, or longer. i thought of those who have lost a spouse, only to see them again in heaven. i can’t even begin to imagine that pain. i’m humbled by the strength of these men and women…

but still i was feeling a little lost.

i decided to pray about it. i thanked God for bringing him this job, even though it keeps us apart. i thanked God for bringing him to me, my perfect match. for making our relationship strong enough to endure the time apart. i prayed for those special military wives and for those who have lost their spouses.

then i began to pray for peace and grace. peace from the loneliness i feel when we’re apart and the anxiety i feel when he’s on the road. grace to help me remember that despite the discomfort, we are still blessed. grace to not lose my temper when things don’t go my way.

in the end, i began to feel better. and i have a renewed determination to make every second i spend with my husband as amazing as possible. also, a determination to not feel so sorry for myself. to keep myself busy doing the things that i know i won’t do when he’s home. and then i went to sleep with a lighter heart and the knowledge that there’s nothing a little prayer won’t remedy. 🙂

 

  • do you sometimes forgot how fortunate you are?
  • what do you do when you give in to selfish thoughts?
  • also, i’m in the market for a new project to keep me busy. any suggestions?

 

getting answers …

Image

there are very few photos from this weekend, so i’m replacing the normal monday post with something that’s been on my heart for several weeks and finally came to a screeching halt last night and this morning.

Casey has been showing signs of sickness for a few weeks now. being the stubborn man that is my husband, he’s been chalking it up to tired and overworked. and because i refused to accept the fact that something may be wrong with him, i went along.

i convinced him to go to the doctor this past wednesday. it was the normal poke, prod, give blood for tests, and be sent home. i was furious. am i the only one in the world that can clearly tell there is something wrong with my husband? the doctor’s office called on friday and told him his bloodwork was clear, come back on the 15th for follow-up.

by sunday night, we were in the emergency room. he started feeling badly after lunch and felt like taking a nap. we just so happened to be visiting my parents for my birthday and she decided we should check his blood sugar, to see if that might be why he was feeling bad.

it was over 600. so high that her reader wouldn’t pick up the actual number.

three bottles of water and a few pickles later (old wives tales are often fairly accurate), the reading was still (literally) off the charts. and we made our way to the emergency room.

on a very rare occassion, i’m sure, we were taken directly back to a cubicle where they confirmed that his sugar was indeed 671.

671?!?!

a normal blood sugar level should never exceed 140. 200-300 is considered high.

his was ALMOST 700.

four hours, two bags of iv fluid, and 10ccs of insulin later, his blood sugar dropped by over half and we were sent home with an almost diagnosis and a lot of questions. i was torn between fury and fear. how could have the wednesday doctor have not noticed something so obviously wrong?

he returned to the doctor this morning and this time, he wasn’t leaving without answers.

and now we have them.

type 1 diabetes.

essentially, his pancreas has quit producing the insulin his body needs to process sugar.

he’ll have to regulate his diet, take insulin shots, and generally change everything about his eating habits.

it’s going to be a long, hard road to get this under control. but once it is, he can lead a healthy, moderately normal life.

and, is it awful and callous of me to say that in a way i’m relieved? because i am.

i’m relieved that by the grace of God, there is no terrible underlying cause and no apparent damage caused by weeks or months of crazy high blood sugar levels. i’m relieved because this is something we can control. i’m relieved that after weeks of fear and questions, we have our answers. i’m relieved that with the help of the doctors, we can educate ourselves on diabetes and learn how to treat his situation.

i’m relieved because once again, God has answered my cry and let me keep my husband.

we will get through this.

FindingBeautyintheOrdinary.com

http://www.carissagraham.com/2012/04/miscellany-monday_23.html